My Brother

I met Dave* when I was 9, and he was 7. Life revolved around church, both of us at an age when we had to follow our parents every weekend for mass or retreats. It was the only form of social life I had as a kid. Dave was always the “naughty one”, he was bold and always got into scraps or skinned his knees.

We spent a lot of our time playing together, or getting into trouble together.

Fast forward years later – as teenagers, Dave and I drifted apart. I was a few years ahead of him in school and I didn’t see him in church often. I wasn’t going regularly myself. I wondered if he was able to cope with his studies.

I was 17 when Dave died. My dad broke the awful news to us the moment he came back from work. This was before the Internet and social media. No one really knew what happened. But from what I gathered, Dave was found hanging in his bedroom.

Losing someone is unbearable. When it happens suddenly, without warning, it shatters our lives, the very ground we walk on. Although we were not close friends at that point, it was like someone hit my chest with a bag of sand. At Dave’s wake, everyone from church was there. I cried, though I tried not to. We all were crying. Someone handed me a tissue. At his funeral, I watched as they lowered him into ground. A woman collapsed, sobbing, by the side of his grave.

I was moody for a while in school and I remember a friend in writing me a note to cheer me up. She told me to remember the good times I had with Dave. I do remember them. We might have been great friends, he might have been one of my groomsmen, been there to celebrate my daughter’s full month party or an awesome beer buddy for Fridays, who knows? I’ll never get to know him as the man he could have been.

It’s been nearly 20 years. From time to time, I think of Dave, remembering him as a young boy and wondered how he would look as an adult. One day, I tried looking up his name on Google, just to see if anything had been written about him over the years. I uncovered an obituary by his family, published five or six years after his death. There is not a day that they do not think of him.

There are no words I could say to his family, even now, that could offer any comfort. Writing this post is painful. But through this song, I want to acknowledge Dave for the friend that he was and could have been.

He did what he did, for whatever reasons he had, and it left a gaping hole in many of us. A sense of loss, frustration and constant pining for someone you will never meet again.

Whatever happened, I’ll always remember you, Dave. I’ll always remember the good times we had.

For me, this is closure. This song is for you, Dave.

*I’ve changed his real name and age because this happened a long time ago and I don’t want to draw unnecessary attention to his family.

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Happy Children’s Day!

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— Photo by Marvin Lowe

Today is Children’s Day in Singapore.

I can’t say I’ve paid much attention to Children’s Day, ever since I graduated from primary school and it stopped being a school holiday. Yup, kids older than 12 don’t get the day off. So, this day meant pretty much nothing to me until September 7, 2014, when my daughter Natalie was born.

That changes today. Today, I celebrate being a dad. And from now on I’ll actually pay attention to Children’s Day, along with other significant events such as Father’s and Mother’s Day, which will have new meaning for Carol and I.

I’m still reeling from the newness of it all. The endless cycle of crying, feeding, burping, diaper changes… But I must say the first few weeks with Natalie have been amazing. She’s captured my heart, as I knew she would the first time I saw her as a blip on an ultrasound machine.

That was when I wrote this song, The Yellow Room.

As our close friends and family know, we set aside a room in our home for our child(ren) ever since we moved in two years ago. Its walls are painted bright yellow. When I wrote this song back in March, I knew it would become something special and personal to me. It captured that sense of anticipation that only a soon-to-be father would know. It was as if everything that we had worked so hard for was for this baby, this little soul that was growing day by day in Carol’s womb.

And so, on Children’s Day, I present to you The Yellow Room. Enjoy the song, and the video, which is a glimpse into our home and lives. And if you so wish, you may buy the song on iTunes. That would mean a lot to me.

More pictures of baby Natalie and me, thanks to Marvin Lowe Photography.

On becoming a dad

In about a month’s time, I will welcome my little daughter into the world.

A child is something Carol and I have wanted for a long time, and now it’s really about to happen… We are so grateful for God’s precious blessing, and for the smooth pregnancy so far. After months of scrambling to doctor’s appointments, scans, tests, childbirth classes, scouring baby shops for furniture and clothes, we are ready as any first-time parents can be. Which means we’ve done all we humanly can, and now we wait with bated breath for nature to take its course.

After that, it’s uncharted territory.

Our little miracle, you have been growing so well from the first time we saw you as a little blue grape on a screen. Now, you move with so much energy you take your mother’s breath away – quite literally. When I rest my hand on mummy’s belly, you press back as if to tell me how strong you’ve become. When I sing to you my favourite songs from Mary Poppins, you pause for a while to listen, then you kick my mouth.

I can’t wait to meet you, carry you against my chest so you can fall asleep to the sound of my heart beating; to look into your eyes and know that – for now – we are all you need; to hear you cry, laugh and one day, speak; to have you run and hug me below my knees when I get home; to watch you grow up…

There’s a room in our home we’ve set aside for you from the first day we moved in. It’s painted bright yellow. It will be all yours when you arrive. Here it is… it’s pretty much ready. We’ve worked so hard on it and we’re so happy you’ll be here soon.

theyellowroom

A birthday affair

I’ve performed at a handful of private parties before – weddings, corporate events, New Year countdowns – but always with a band and most of the time singing covers.

Now, I can proudly say I’ve done it solo.

It started after one of The Glad Stones’ Starbucks shows last month. An audience member approached us to perform at her birthday party which was to be in a few week’s time. Since Jaye wasn’t going to be in town, I told her TGS wouldn’t be able to do it, but if she didn’t mind I’d be happy to sing a few of my songs for her. I didn’t expect her to say yes, but she did 🙂

The party was at a condo near Bukit Timah, at an open-air function area which had a pavilion and barbecue pit. It was a pretty cool way to celebrate a birthday – having great friends who’d plan everything for you, a friend who’s a chef to whip up a barbecue fiesta, and another one to emcee at the party.

For gigs like these, busking gear always comes in handy. The Stagg battery-powered amps, which TGS used for busking and for our entire Starbucks tour, do reasonably well in outdoor performances, but the vocals sometimes get a little distorted at loud volumes.

I played a 45-minute set with a mix of my originals and a few covers. It felt good connecting with people who don’t already know you, and observing how they react to your music. While it’s natural that people will continue with their conversations while you perform, especially in a bar, I was heartened to see a handful of guests just sitting, watching and listening. Seeing that made my evening.

So yeah, thanks Sabrina for having me! I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Anyone looking for a birthday singer? 😉

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With Sabrina, the coolest birthday gal ever, and emcee Suffian.

What are The Glad Stones up to? Recording an album in a month!

It all started with a crazy idea – Given exactly four weeks to complete a project, what would you choose to accomplish? It was part of a life development course that Jaye attended last month. and as an act of courage, he must take action and complete a project successfully within the given time-frame. So I said to him, let’s think big and do something nearly impossible, something that we’ve been talking about for so long but haven’t even come close to finishing… What if we recorded an entire album in a four weeks?

And that was how it started.

So far, we have picked 8 songs for the album, found a producer who’s going to help us arrange, mix and master the tracks in two weeks. One of the 8 songs is going to be a new one, which we are halfway through writing. We’ve got t-shirts designed and they are being made as we speak. We’re also designing the album artwork, and did I mention we’re going to shoot an MTV for our new song?

*Takes a deep breath* Wow, that was a mouthful.

And when is this all coming together?

APRIL 25

Oh, and we’ve emailed everyone about it too.

Watch this space.

Hangin’ By A Thread (Or how we tried to write a song for the environment)

In this post, I’d like to share a little about how my band, “The Glad Stones” came up with an original song about the environment. But before that, you can take a listen to it in the video above 🙂

Writing a song about “green” issues is challenging. I say that because it’s so difficult to be fresh and original when your message is usually the same as everyone else’s.

I mean, how many times can people listen to a song about the Earth dying without tuning out, right? You really need to stand out from the crowd.

So, when Singapore’s National Environment Agency launched the second season of its Eco Music Challenge, a songwriting competition for aspiring composers to express their love for Mother Earth – and spread the Green message far and wide –  Jaye and I took some time to decide on whether to take part or not.

After all, both of us sent in separate entries for the first season last year, and neither of us won, so we wondered if we should do it all over again.

I must add, however, that the contest is quite a novel way to get people engaged with such issues, through the powerful medium of music. As a songwriter myself, I appreciate the fact that my government is including original music as part of its environmental campaign.

Finally, we decided to take part again, as a band this time.

I’ll go into that in a bit, but as I was saying earlier, it is pretty darn hard to write a brand new song about saving the planet…

That’s why I really like the song “I Need To Wake Up” by Melissa Etheridge, which she wrote for Al Gore’s famous environmental documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth”. It was nominated for the “Best Song Written for a Motion Picture” Grammy in 2007. Take a listen to it below:

When I first heard it, I was moved because it spoke to me as a person. It was insistent without being preachy; it did not go into the details about what I already knew was going on in this world; it did not have the word “green” in it at all.

Instead, it appealed to a deeper sense of responsibility, a personal responsibility to change. That’s something I thought was fresh and unique.

Taking a leaf out of Melissa Etheridge’s masterpiece, we deliberately chose not to write an overtly environmental song.

Instead we wrote a love song, yes a love song – from the perspective of Mother Earth herself.

“Hangin’ By A Thread” is all about love’s ingratitude. A woman has given everything to the one she loves, but all she has gotten is hurt. She is empty.

Sound familiar? Yes, it’s a painful experience many of us can relate to.

And that became the premise of our song: Mother Earth pleading to us.

We are the ones she loves and she has nothing left for us to take from her. We’ve taken it all, and more. She’s hanging by a thread, and yet she’s holding out, hoping, knowing that there’s still time if we change our ways – now.

If you put yourself in Mother Earth’s shoes as you listen to the song, you’d come a lot closer to feeling her pain…

We chose the lovely Singapore Botanic Gardens to shoot our video. (One of the many “green” enclaves on our little island.)

In case you’re wondering how we did the outdoor shoot, both of us wore wireless clip-on microphones, which fed both our vocals and guitars directly to a receiver connected to Jaye’s MacBook. Everything was recorded in Logic Pro.

And as for the video, we propped a digital camera on a tripod and just let it roll.

After we were done, we went to a nearby cafe called “Hatched“, opened by a friend of mine, and sat there for a couple of hours mixing the tracks and editing the video.

There, that’s about it. It took us an entire afternoon and we were really pleased with the result!

Oh, and by the way, we performed the song in a single take with a small impromptu audience of kids and their parents who happened to be walking by.

If you look closely, a little girl comes into the frame somewhere after the halfway mark. Isn’t that adorable?

As I said earlier, I sent in an entry to the same competition last year, called “This Little Earth Is All I’ve Got”. You can check it out here:

I tried to write from the perspective of a child telling us that Earth is the only place he has, so please take care of it. I admit, however, that I was guilty of going into the above-mentioned descriptions of the planet dying, etc.

Plus, I did a slightly-cheesy picture slide show to go with the lyrics, and put it on YouTube.

Well, it didn’t get into the finals, but the video has over 10,000 views now!

Let’s see if the new song does any better…

So please, please, please visit the Eco Music Challenge 2011 submissions page and click “like” on our song, “Hangin’ By A Thread”!

(You’ll need to scroll through the entries to find our song, because there isn’t a way to link directly to it, but do listen to the other songs too!)

52 Weeks, 52 Songs: Looking back on “A Song A Week”

I thought I’d spend some time to reflect on my songwriting journey over the past year in this post. (Warning: It’s going to be a long one so please bear with me :))

Honestly, I am still in shock over how fast the 52 weeks went by. Scrolling through my previous entries, I ask myself sometimes – did I really write all this?

Now, I’m not the kind of guy who talks about his feelings that much (I’d rather much sing about them ;)), but this blog has become more than a place for my music. It is my personal diary, and that’s saying a lot because I have never kept one. Every week, I’ve written about the inspiration behind each song, and shared a little of my life in the process. Putting your own music on the world wide web, baring your soul with each song… it exposes you to both the compliments and the barbs. It takes getting used to.

“Songwriting is a stream of creation that flows faster and stronger the more you give”

… That was what I wrote on 3 May 2010, the day I started this project – and I’ve found it to be true.

I’ve always felt a burning desire to express myself through songwriting, but because of work and other commitments, I knew I could never do enough unless I threw myself entirely into it.

It’s funny how life gives you what you wish for.

Last year, I lost my job, thanks to the financial crisis. Lo and behold, right in front of me was a real opportunity to launch myself into what I was truly passionate about – with the blessings of my wife of course, without whom I never could have done this.

And so for the past year, songwriting became my life. I lived and breathed it. One song every week, for one whole year. Frankly, I didn’t know how I was going to do it; I only knew I had to compose something by midnight every Sunday.

The only thing I could do was to keep going at it, week after week. I kept my eyes, ears and heart open. I tuned in to the smallest details; everything around me became a potential song idea: a newspaper article, an overheard conversation, the book I was reading, even my dreams at night…

After several weeks had passed, I realised that I had unconsciously developed a system of sorts. It went something like this: brainstorm an idea, write the lyrics, put them into music. I’d divide my week into writing days and recording days. Generally, I’d spend the early part of the week crafting the lyrics and music, and the weekend recording the video. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?

Far from it.

Coming up with ideas was a big challenge, of course. Some people say you can’t force an idea out, no matter how hard you try. You have to wait for inspiration to hit. While that’s true to some extent, I firmly believe that being disciplined and consistent about creativity stimulates us to do more good work at a faster rate. That is, the more you create, the faster the flow of new ideas, and the better and quicker you become at creating something. That’s one thing I’ve learnt from this project.

Ideas aside, the biggest stumbling block I faced in this entire journey was – me.

… You see, I had one entire week to devote to a song, but I’d find myself getting distracted easily, going online, eyeballing my Facebook page, obsessing over how many (or few) views I was getting on YouTube. I had to constantly push myself, no, discipline myself to write.

Always, I heaved a sigh of relief by the time Sunday came and I had a new song uploaded. Then, I’d worry about the next song, and the one after that. Often, I’d find myself crippled by self-doubt… was I doing the right thing? Was I wasting my time chasing a silly dream instead of settling down and looking for a job? These were the demons that I battled, day-in, day-out.

Isn’t that the way with any dream, any creative endeavour? Perhaps, but I know I needed a lot of encouragement. My wife was a major inspiration to me of course. I also drew strength from the positive comments I received from complete strangers about my songs. Lastly, I believed wholeheartedly in my music – and I still do.

All this kept me going.

As the weeks went by, I began to pay more attention to the videos themselves. Before this, a passable recording was all I needed. I didn’t really care much about how I looked, whether the audio levels were too soft, or if the lighting was bright enough. I began to realise that on a platform like YouTube, I was competing with songwriters who were churning out professional-sounding recordings and classy-looking videos all the time. I certainly could do a lot more.

Thankfully, I had a pretty decent audio/video recorder – the Zoom Q3, which was able to give me good sound levels, and pretty okay video quality.

I experimented with different camera positions and settings. I remember once placing the device at a corner of my room to allow sound to bounce off the walls. I hoped that it would create a natural reverb, but I felt the difference was not noticeable in the end. So much for that.

At another point, a friend told me he was tired of watching the same old room in the background. So If you check out some of my later videos, you’ll see a completely black background, which I created by stringing a black cloth behind me to hide the mess. To add some variety, I also experimented with photo and lyric slide shows in my videos.

Yes, slowly but surely, I was writing one song every week. But if you ask me now whether I have a formula for writing a song – I’d say no.

… Sometimes, I’d finish a song in an hour. Other times, I’d spend days crafting the lyrics. It always varied. And do the lyrics or melody come first? It really depends. I often started with the title, which gave me the general theme of the song, and then went on to write the lyrics, coupled with a rough melody which I would fine-tune once I had the lyrical structure in place. That was one approach.

However, my recent collaborations with Jaye Foo were done using an entirely different method. Jaye would come up with a basic chord progression – we would “feel” the rhythm and the music, and think of the kind of song we wanted it to become. Then, I would focus on developing the lyrics and let him expand on his chords. After that, we’d finalise the lyrics and chords; and finally, sing countless melodies out loud until we heard something we liked.

Like my dad always says, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

If you look at the past 14 or so weeks of my project, you’ll find that they’ve been collaborations.

… I’m thankful that towards the end of my journey, I found a fellow songwriter to come along with me. The Glad Stones was born early this year, and I’ve been nothing short of stunned by the feedback we’ve received.

Interestingly enough, we both initially felt that our styles were worlds apart. When we tried writing songs, however, it just worked out. It’s been a blessing to have such a hardworking and talented songwriting buddy, especially on the last leg of my journey, when I felt that it was getting harder and harder to produce fresh material. Plus, with Jaye’s home studio, we were able to produce videos that not only sounded good, but were entertaining as well!

I’m tremendously grateful for the many high points of my journey, one of them being my first solo showcase at the Esplanade Library in August last year. I was really encouraged by how it went and the audience turnout was larger than I expected. The show was such a confidence-booster for me; after that I continued to perform whenever I could.

My performance at TAB early this year, as well as the gigs at the Maestro Acoustic Lounge, were some of the ones I enjoyed tremendously. (In fact, it was at my second Maestro gig that I met Jaye, who performed immediately after me.)

So, what’s next?

Well, Jaye and I will be working on a Glad Stones’ album! It will include some of the songs we’ve written together, plus others that both of us have written individually. I’ll keep everyone posted on our progress in the weeks to come.

We’ll continue to write new songs and upload videos on YouTube, that’s for sure. We’re even planning some outdoor shoots, so look out for that on our channel!

“A Song A Week” has well and truly come to an end.

Looking back, I have no regrets whatsoever. I’m glad I did it. I’ve met so many people on this journey, and learnt so much from it. It’s a cliche to say that this is only the beginning, but it is.

Thank you for being a part of it, and please continue to walk with me.

Week 52 – Way Too Good For Me by The Glad Stones

I wrote the lyrics to this song with my wife, Carol, in mind. She’s been my pillar of support throughout this year-long project. I couldn’t have done it without her. So let me say this to her now, Thank You darling!

This song is about how two different things become great when they come together. Each enhances the quality of the other. I guess the right word is complement – and this applies to people too. Two different souls who are strong on their own become unstoppable when they unite. That’s how I feel with Carol and I.

I can’t remember why I made so many references to food in the lyrics… Perhaps it was because I was enjoying a steaming hot latte the afternoon when I started writing – which got me thinking of amazing food pairings like cheese and red wine. Well, I think it worked out in the end. Carol loves the song 🙂

With that – I shall officially bring my song-a-week endeavor to a close – 52 weeks, 52 songs!

I’ll share my thoughts about this entire journey and my next steps in another post. Till then, stay tuned.

For now, I’ll leave you with this week’s song…

Way Too Good For Me

We go together like cheese and red wine
Strong on our own, unstoppable combined
Souls so different, yet so aligned
Worlds apart but lives intertwined

Without you I’d see the colours fade
We are the swirls in a candy cane
Like coffee and cigarettes that taste so great
You and me, we can’t be separate

Sure life ain’t all sugar and spice now
It can be a pain in the side now
It’s a blend of bitter and sweet
But it’s what makes my soul complete

The secret sauce
That makes us tick, tick, tick
Chili hot n spicy kick
You’re way too good for me to eat

So thank you for sticking it through
Though I threw you off like a raging bull
A fool who had no excuse
You’re a habit I don’t want to lose

Let’s go outside, take a ride, for a while
Our favorite cafe by the roadside
Love and hugs and sugar and spice
And sweet dessert later tonight